I don’t usually write to specific genders on this blog, but I wanted to make an exception for this post. This one is for the lonely guys out there, the ones sitting at home for another cold night with just their laptop, wondering why none of those beautiful women they see around town show any interest in them at all.
This is for those who have gone on a number of dates, and despite paying for the meal and offering to drive her home, never got invited upstairs for a drink, despite your insistence. This is for the men who see other guys effortlessly get the women they desire.
I wanted to outline my fool-proof method to get the women of your dreams into your bed tonight. In just THREE SIMPLE STEPS, that’s right, just three steps will bring the hottest hotties into your bedroom.
Look no further. This is the ULTIMATE GUIDE to getting women and getting laid. Be sure to read to the end; you do not want to miss a single piece of this sage wisdom.
1. Take a shower
When I coach guys on dating practices, what always surprises me is the minuscule amount of effort that goes into the first few dates. Many men will be sitting on their couch for a number of hours, before they finally check the time (often they are already late), throw on a pair of jeans, and head right out the door. Some even head straight from the gym, smelly and sweaty, and wonder why the women seem uninterested in the first five minutes.
Here’s the thing, brothers: most women will take HOURS to get ready. You would probably know this if you grew up with sisters or had a long-term partnership. They will spend a significant portion of their evening showering, shaving, straightening their hair, and applying the same make-up five different times in order to get the perfect right effect.
Meanwhile, some slob with orange-Cheeto colored fingers surrounded by empty mountain dew cans expects to attract Candice Swanepoel?
So my challenge to you is this: start preparing for your date four hours early. That’s right, four hours early. There is so much you can do during that time to make you a more attractive mate. And I don’t mean layering your body with nauseating axe-body spray.
I mean, in that time, you could get a haircut, clip your nails, trim your beard, shower, exfoliate, go shopping for clothes that actually fit, wear a nice watch that matches your clean shoes, and vacuum the car that you will be picking her up in.
Seriously, a little bit of effort goes a long way. And as long as you’re making an effort, you could also try to…
2. Learn to Cook
That’s right, learning to cook is one of the best things you can do to get laid for so many reasons. First off, if you are passionate about something, that is very attractive. Secondly, if you learn to cook healthy and nutritious food, you will become a more healthy person and probably lose some of that excess weight.
A man that can cook is a man of culture. Try French, Italian, or Thai cuisine. Stock your kitchen with spices, sauces, and new cookware. Read a few cooking books. Invite friends over and cook for them. Increase your social circle and ability to connect with people of all genders.
Also, offering to cook for a woman is a good way to get her over to your house. It’s a good way to “give” something and create an expectation of return, if you know what I mean, wink wink.
And at that point, you can get to step number three, the most important one of all:
3. Know that nothing you will ever say or do will entitle you to another woman’s body. Women are not something to “get”, nor should “getting laid” ever be a goal to achieve. Contrary to popular belief, nice guys do not finish last. Nothing is more refreshing or more important than genuine kindness. Everyone on this planet wants to be in a relationship with a kind, warm, loving, and supportive person. But the worst kind of guys are those who are only kind to get something in return, only as a manipulative tactic, only as a false front covering their underlying motives of objectifying their love interest and turning them into a conquest to further shield their fragile masculinity.
Believe it or not, nice guys finish first. It is weak guys, on the other hand, finish last. And by weak, I do not mean what number you can bench press. By weak, I mean not knowing who you are and expecting someone else to complete you. By weak, I mean having a hole in your heart that you expect someone else to fill up. Weak is expecting someone else to fix you. It is being unsure of your positive qualities, not knowing what you bring to the table, instead of wallowing in self-hatred, judgment, and depression.
Confidence is sexy. Strength is sexy. By strength, I mean the energy and vigor that naturally arises from men who have healed themselves, who have gone through therapy and done the necessary emotional work so that they realize they don’t need anyone else to complete them. The strength of being already complete, already whole, already confident in who you are. The ones that have filled up their cup so full it overflows into every person they encounter.
If you want a truly connective relationship with another human, start by shoring up the relationships that you are currently in. Call your mother. Hug your father. Understand how your emotional history and how your upbringing is shaping how you approach and view your current romantic relationships.
Look at the relationship with yourself. Look at how you have walled yourself off from true emotional intimacy. Emotional maturity is sexy. Do you know what emotional baggage you are carrying? Are you in touch with your emotions or your intuition? Do you have female friends? Do you have male friends and the opportunity to be vulnerable with them?
It’s almost impossible to love someone who doesn’t love themselves. It is just as hard to connect with someone who is disconnected from themselves.
Meditate and watch your thoughts. What patterns keep arising? Are you willing to grow from them? Are you growing right now? Do you have any self-awareness of the obstacles that prevent you from real authentic connection? Do you know your wounds, and are you practicing compassion for them? Learn how to cry.
Look seriously at your expectations in meeting another human. Are you working on yourself, your own health, happiness, and wellness that is not dependent on finding romantic love?
Shine light on your unconscious expectations. Make them conscious. Have you heard the story of the person who spent their entire life looking for the perfect woman? At one point, they finally found them, but alas, she moved on because she was looking for a perfect man. Do you expect perfection in another while never focusing on healing and growth in yourself?
Stop trying to get women. Stop trying to get laid. If you want to really attract women, do not enter into any sexual or romantic encounter thinking about what you can get, but by what you can give. And give because it feels good to give. Give without any expectation of return, with total nonattachment to your actions.
You want love, but are you even a good lover? For the love of God, stop watching porn. Start reading She Comes First. Read Emotional Intelligence. Heck, read Margaret Atwood and any article or book that might contain the words misogyny, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, or performative masculinity. Read anything that reminds you that having 1, 10, or 1000 partners has no effect whatsoever on your worthiness as a person or your claim to manhood.
True happiness comes from authentic emotional connection. Offer your love in a way the person wants to be loved. What are this person’s dreams, and how can you support them in attaining them? Can you fully be there for them to become the person they want to be, rather than the person you want them to be?
Move from objectification to respecting subjectivity. Listen to their perspective and validate their reality. Can you remain connected on a heart-level, while fully respecting their autonomy, independence, and boundaries?
If you want love, love others. If you want happiness, commit to making others happy. Enter into every relationship this way. Send your best guy friend a birthday gift. Send an old friend a Facebook message about how you appreciate them. Help a coworker with a task. Volunteer. Build houses for families that need them.
If you do all this, you will look back on this time and think about how silly you were, lost in the darkness, hoping someone or some experience would make you feel alive again. Instead, the wisdom you have gained on the path of healing and growth will make your previous desires seem utterly insignificant in comparison to the fulfilled, happy, and whole person that you are continually becoming, hand in hand with another person just as unique and special as you are.
